Autumn

Autumn, I miss the crunching of your leaves and the crispness of the air on walks. Return soon, please.
Sincerely Me.

Love, where is your fire?

This is the song that popped up today on my Pandora as I was getting ready for another day admist the world of radio waves and thrift stores with a dear friend. It is one of the lesser known that Brooke Fraser has put out on as I strolled around my room assembling my ritual coffee and make myself presentable. I make my way up to the eighth floor of Crowell to answer telephones for the last time on Saturday mornings for Moody radio-this will soon be replaced by teaching English to refugees during this time slot.

I settled in this morning ready to take comments and questions, not really knowing what to expect. The phone lines this morning have remained lifeless due to the subject matter. Hate crimes and homosexuality in the world today, not something that many people can identify with or even have an educated opinion about. I will openly admit that I fall into that category. It has happened on occasion while I have answered phones that someone tugs on my heartstrings and tears are brought to my eyes over the realities that some people wake up to and have to face every day. This happened today for the first time in many months.

A lady called in who is well into her seventies and talked to me for almost fifteen minutes about the church's attitude towards homosexuality and the alienation that so many homosexuals feel at the hands of Christians. She is not the first who has done this. I have had people sob as they relayed situations where they felt demeaned and belittled at the hands of their pastors and fellow believers alike. Where is their place in the church? Where is a place where they can serve? Can they serve? Should there be restrictions placed on them when they serve? Who decides what those restrictions are and how they are imposed? Who decides?

I have thought about this off and on over the past several months and have realized that homosexuality is still one of those issues that is taboo to talk about within the church today. It is one of those topics that make people uncomfortable, so it does not surface very often within the walls of our fellowships. Many people are not familiar with the different issues that homosexuals struggle with and therefore do not know how to relate or dialogue with them. There is such a disconnect between the two camps which inevitably leads to alienation and separation. How do you connect the two? Can there even be a connection or are these realities that are irreconciable? There is nothing that we can do in our own power, it is only through the power of God that anything can come to be.

As believers, we are heralded by Christ to be known by our love. Our love is to be a mark of identification, something that sets us apart from the world? How often do we fail oh church, on a daily basis at being the hands and feet of Christ? Help us Lord.

Extraordinary

I do not desire to be ordinary. To embrace complacency and the mundane life. To embrace life yes, but a life that is full. Full of what? Of love and adventure. Joy and trials, shared alongside those I share life with. To live every day that my maker gives me on this earth with a fervor that rivals the pounding of the incoming tide on the shores of the sea. Do I desire to much? I question this quite often, not knowing if my desires are unrealistic or unattainable. I have always been told to dream big, to aspire great things to happen and they will. Or so I have been told. But what if that is not true? What if it is all a dream we are led to believe that will never come true.What happens when our expectations do not measure up with the reality we are presented with? What happens when discontentment settles in and begins to resonate deep within the crevices of our lives until we begin to sink under its suffocating grasp? What do we do? How do you respond? I am about to enter into my last semester as an undergrad. I cannot believe how fast the time has gone and that this is the beginning of the end.That all I have come to know and to love will soon change once again. I have realized that I disdain change. It takes me quite some time to grow truly comfortable in my environment only to have it blown away in the fleeting change of the wind. I run from change and cling to what I know. There is comfort and security in it. I have a familiar acquaintance with it that I am not willing to give up without a fight. But that is not what my God calls me to. It is not how he calls me live. Granted, he gives us the gift of security and comfort when he deems best at various times in our lives. But he calls us to live by faith and to trust Him for all things and in all things.To depend on Him, not only in words but in deeds. It is so easy to pay service with our lips but never show the evidence of a changed life and a changed heart. I yearn to be used for the glory and honor of His name. What will this cost? I dare say that the cost will be great, but the reward will be far greater. What am I willing to give for the sake of His name? What am I willing to give? To let go of my dreams, of myself is no easy thing. But that is what He asks, does he not? I am beginning to realize this all anew and to trust Him for his provision in things. That He will place me where He wants me and that He will use me accordingly. Obedience and a willingness to be used. I am excited to see how He moves.